as i fall asleep 13

JULY 25 2024 11:58 PM

Today I swam 74 laps. The last time I'll be in this gym, at least for this year. At least for this year, the last time a lot of things. The pool felt smaller today.

Lately Miami feels so small. The blocks smush together. The water’s on one side. The setting sun on the other. And the world. It also feels small. The countries smush together. The water, the palm trees, the one sky, the person. Like a small house with a pretty roof.

The number of clouds seems endless though. I estimate a count of 2 million clouds at any time on earth. In Miami there's a handful of good ones per day. In the sunset when there's dust from the Sahara and the sky gets extra orange and I take a picture of a cloud there's also others taking pictures of the same cloud.

Today I took the brightline from Downtown. And the metromover. And also took an Uber. And also drove an Audi. And later did the wim hoff breathing technique for the first time. And I rode my bike again. And at some point my mind was clearer than usual. And at some point cried with sound in my room.

Today I went to the main library to use the restroom, and in the house I saw a PlayStation on the couch. And my nephew ate Nutella and rolled around on the couch of my father's house. And my dad asked me what was wrong. And way later in the day I cried in his bathroom.

And earlier I watched live as Netanyahu received a standing ovation from Congress on my muted laptop. And Miami feels so calm and so small and safe. And DC too. They feel familiar like the hallways of one’s house. But I was in the vast gigantic distorted foreignness of my head. What heads are. And way later in the day I told Meta AI that I'm “out of sorts”.

And then I made decisions which I'll likely overturn. And I made a joke to the girl in the elevator. And at some point I told my dad it has “nothing to do with anything”.

And my friend wrote me “bigger fish” and that also made me cry. But not with sound.

And my mom told me she wanted to learn how to swim.